My Internal Inferno

The embers were emitting a weak glow.
They've been like that for a quite while.
No.
They've been like that for a long time.
They languidly omit a soft warmth which cannot be felt unless one's closer.
But the moment I come nearer it suddenly started to glow.
Someone must've fed it some kindling because it's gradually expanding.
The fire starts slow, like a spark of static, slowly blossoming into a beautiful flame.
At first I gasped in shock at the sudden warmth I felt, for it was unexpected, and it filled me with a feeling of longing and of warmth that I was initially wary of but of which not too soon after, did I willingly succumb to.
I looked into myself and observed the flames in wonder then I reflected on what caused such occurrence within my feeble self.
Oh.
I wasn't one to hope for the best, I just hoped for whats possible.
But why did my supposedly dormant "internal-fire" flare up upon meeting you again?
After a long, long while...
Why?

Amour? Riight...

Dunno why, but when it comes to relationship and stuff as such, people always seem to end up asking for advice from me...asking advice from ME, a person with completely nonexistent relatonship experience...Gahhhh!!! 

To tell the truth...I actually like being approached for such stuff, but at the same time, each dillema solved or given light to, each "thank you" and "youre awesome!" sort-a feels like a slap on my "metamorphical face"...

Its depressing to think that Im relatively good in giving such advice, that people approach me whilst Ive got zero experience in a being in a proper relationship at all!!! Its like...arrgh! Sheeetz!!!

Why...Id love to have someone who would at least understand my mindset, whose in the same wavelenght as me...and knows how to perceive my sense of humor and my randomly odball ideas...

I cant like someone in the place Im at now... 

Yes, there are a few dudes who are considerably physically appealing here but at the same time their mental capabilities disgust me...

I mean, its as if all the guys here are inthe hurry to get all the girls or somethin...as if its a requirement amongst their code of men to have a girlfriend to be cool...and its pathetic how their egos are as bloated as a morbidly obese hunchback whale!!! Its like: bleaurghh!!! (vomit) 

We Females are not arm candy! And I refuse to be in a relationship just to be dragged around, shown to everyone like a trophy or medal that one acquired! Just for another ego boost! Pah! Men!

Thats just it...Im yet to meet a guy who wont look at me quizzicaly once I talk about a certain philosophicallu debative question (or if I speak english!) or treat me like Im some overly fragile china doll, wont hinder me from pursuing my interests and ideals, wont creep my out by being overly posessive (or just by texting me every damn freakin minute every day), wont be soo fast in pursuing me! has his own personal style, ideals and quirks, knows how to relate w someone w/out trying too hard (or would at least admit that he isnt knowledgable in such stuff and is willing to know more about it) and isnt such a time hogger!!! Garsh!!!

And now Im ranting...*sigh* 

I'd like to apologize to the good guys there, I happen to know a few guys with whom Im okay with but after a while it gets kind-a meh! (An annoying-gaahhh-kind of "meh!") haha! 

Till next time! ;3

Whats it with Luck and Life anyway?

I've always wondered how is it that after a morning of what seems to be pure unaffected-by-the-pollution-outside-bliss, my afternoons and evenings immediately turn a sourer note while I spend most of my alone time in the comfort of my dormitory room doodling and reading random online fanfictions...

Hmm...maybe Murphy and his damned Law has a hand in it, with his oh-so-inevitable-"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong"-idealism! No wonder no-one has enough hope for things in life to go better in life since EVERYTHING "eventually" has to go down the drain!

Sheesh! Old men and those philosophies they have! sure, they're good BUT some of em' are just a little too close for comfort and are bordering-on life shattering!

Hey...ehrm...Just to let you know, I respect these wise old men okay...I just felt like rambling on the fact that SOME "Wisdom-filled-words" are more-or-less nothing but riddles or "duplications" and/or "copies" of more ANCIENT "wise sayings" set upon us to jumble our heads with thoughts, that can either give us optimism or more doubts in the quality of one's life...which Sheldon Cooper will eventually explain to us in a blantant manner yet at the same time He himself has no definite idea of how to apply that said idealism to his currently lunatic lifestyle...

Soo...as I was saying, after spending some "alone time" I inevitably end up either reflecting on my current life and/or staring at the laptop screen in boredom...And while I contemplate on the way I go around doing things in my own quirky way; I started to notice the pattern my life has currently woven and I noticed the drastically dramatic "dip" my luck has gone on certain "lucky days"...<sigh>

But...enough of my murmurs and laments I've still got to make you all aware of the fact that I'm perfectly sane no matter how bizarre my rambling become... I'm still a young-adult-female with a temper and spice with an inexcusable and understandable need for comfort and understanding from the opposite gender...gah!

~Ani